A Fool's Goddess - Chapter Nine
I somehow woke up early the next day, and even felt refreshed. Perhaps the light drinking helped me relax through the night, or maybe venting to Tornara had actually calmed me down. Either way, I managed to get my things together and leave the home before any of the freighters stopped snoring.
After a trip to the market district for some breakfast, I headed back to the studio. It was odd to consider that I was only here a few hours earlier, but with how Master Malka was still working, you’d think time didn’t affect the building. As if it were the studio’s heartbeat, I could still hear her chiseling as I walked inside.
“Good morning,” I greeted my master.
“Morning.”
By now, the insect she was sculpting now had long, thick pincers extending from each of its six heads. Legs seemed to spring at random from the torso, giving the impression that the insect was facing several directions at once like a chitinous flower. It was easy to imagine she’d sleep soundly once that thing was removed from her nightmares.
I sat down and grabbed a block of stone roughly the size of my head. I didn’t have any client requests, but I didn’t have any ideas for a sculpture either. In these situations, I’d begin chipping away and let the statue carve itself. Master Malka described it as changing your position in the creative process; instead of using your tools to sculpt your creation, you let yourself become the tool for your creation to sculpt itself with. It sounded like putting the ox before the cart to me at first, but it was now my go-to strategy for whenever my imagination felt dull.
“How’s Tornara?” asked Master Malka, still busy with her own chiseling.
It was a bit unusual for her to break the silence, but I was reminded of her unvoiced suspicions from last night. Despite her antisocial tendencies, Master was still scrupulous where it mattered.
“She’s good. Sorry about the late night visit. I just needed to get some ideas out of my head and I didn’t want to wait.”
“It’s fine. What’d you talk about?”
“Oh, just some stuff Chen said.”
“I see.”
‘That’s not the whole story’ is what she meant. I could feel the doubt in her words, pressing me to say more. However, as I didn’t want to talk about my selfish frustrations, I decided to try and sate my master with the actual question I had for her.
“Well, Master, have you heard of Ventilia starting a war with us?”
“Nope.”
“Chen was telling me about it. Supposedly, those guys want to attack us for not believing in their God. Chen’s worried about the war getting too intense and him getting drafted into the army, so he’s planning to leave Diesor after his wedding.”
“Huh. Sounds rough.”
“What would you do, Master? I mean, if it comes down to that, can’t you get drafted too?”
“Don’t know,” she shrugged. “Not sure they’d want an insomniac.”
“Hmm, true. But if they did, would you leave the country?”
“Yeah.”
“Really?” Like Chen, I had expected her to stubbornly stand her ground. “What about your studio and your home?”
“Not important. Can’t make a sculpture if my heart’s not in it, not gonna die a war I don’t care about either. Besides, I have more than just myself to worry about.”
“Of course. Chen’s concerns come from the same place. He wants to keep his fiance safe, and he wants me to go with them if I can.”
“Good friend. I’d do the same.”
“So you’d also take Gili and leave?”
“Yeah, and I’d want you to come with me.”
Now that was really unexpected. I stopped my work and looked at Master Malka. She stared back, as unemotional as ever, like she hadn’t said anything endearing.
Like it was normal for her to so openly express that she cared about me.
My face reddened under her gaze. I turned back towards my unshaped stone in an effort to hide my sheepishness. I half-heartedly held up my tools, but I couldn’t bring myself to resume chiseling. I sat there uncommitted as I tried to think of how to respond.
It was obviously just a coincidence, but I couldn’t help but think of what I had said to Tornara just hours ago. How I begged her to give me more than what I had, how I wailed on and on about my feelings of isolation. I thought I had dealt with those anxieties for now, but Master’s serendipitous compassion softened my resolve. I wanted to just give in and unleash all of my pent-up frustrations.
But I couldn't. I had already done so to Tornara, and I resented myself for it. As much as I appreciated her words, it would be rude to use them as an excuse to unload my woes onto her.
After all, this was merely a coincidence.
There was simply no way Master Malka had heard me last night, and three drinks wasn’t nearly enough to make me forget to keep my voice down. Master probably thought I was scared about the war and was just trying to comfort me. Pushing those worries aside, I put a smile on my face and chipped at my block.
“Huh. It still surprises me when you’re that nice,” I said.
“I’m always nice.”
“I know. But thanks, Master, really. It makes me happy to know you’d worry about me like that.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“C’mon, I’m just your assistant. We both know you wouldn’t have any trouble finding a new one.”
“… Idiot.”
I paused in place again. There wasn’t a trace of anger or even sarcasm in her reply.
Just disappointment.
“You’re not just my assistant, Wannabe. You’re part of my family. You’re not someone I can replace.”
… Now that just wasn’t fair.
How could Master Malka say such a thing and not even bat an eye? I was doing my best to keep up my usual front, but it was as if she was set on breaking down what meager defenses I had left. My mind roiled and turned, the demons in my heart no longer content to remain hidden.
I always made sure that Master knew how much I appreciated her, but I never thought hearing her return the sentiment would leave me in shambles. Maybe I was still sensitive from my talk with Tornara, or maybe I actually didn’t get enough sleep. Regardless, the final shreds of my self-control fell away, revealing the pitiful truth within.
There was no hope of keeping my tears inside now.
“… What’s gotten into you?” I croaked as my throat became uncooperative. “Sure, I’m happy to hear that, but… but…“
“It’s okay.”
Master Malka smiled at me kindly, a sincere sympathy that I could no longer confront.
“Just… how did you…?”
I couldn’t even finish. My voice failed me and devolved into the pathetic groan of a wretch. My pride sank away as my sobs dragged me into deeper depths of shame and embarrassment. I was a mockery of the man I claimed to be, nothing more than a joke.
Yet Master Malka didn’t laugh. Instead, she continued to watch me with a knowing smile.
She then rose to her feet and slowly walked behind me, saying nothing to explain her movements. I opened my mouth to ask what she was doing, but I was quickly silenced by the feeling of her arms wrapping around me. Her hands weaved over my collar and secured across my chest. With a gentle squeeze, she hugged me, pressing herself into my back and resting her head on my shoulder.
A fresh wave of emotion contorted my features. I was relieved she couldn’t see my face.
I placed my hands on top of hers and held them against my chest, desperate for comfort. I was shaking like a newborn and crying just as weakly, but despite such a miserable display, Master Malka was unfazed.
“It’s okay,” she gently whispered into my ear. “It’s okay.”
I didn’t care whether this was just a coincidence or not anymore.
As I had begged Tornara to embrace me, now my master did what she could to sooth that selfish desire. There was no way she had heard me talking to my Goddess, but she seemed to know my longing all the same. Whether Master’s actions were born from divine intervention or her own concerns, it didn’t matter. The frustrations and anxieties that had tormented me melted away and dripped down my cheeks.
In the end, all I needed was to feel another’s warmth.
Once I finally loosened my grip on her, Master Malka carefully pulled away. I turned around on my stool towards her, my face thankfully no longer contorted with emotion. Master Malka had crossed her arms, but she still had a hint of a smile.
“Feel better now?” she asked.
“Yeah…”
“Good.”
I sniffled and wiped my face. “… So, how did you know I needed that?”
“I’ve known you long enough. You spent too much time talking to Tornara last night for just wars and draft-dodging.”
“Was it really that long?”
“Yeah.”
“… Shit.”
“So, what’s really bothering you?”
“…”
Despite everything, I still couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I had already messed up by trying to hide the source of my stress, but it wasn’t like I was suddenly ready to share everything. However, I knew Master Malka wouldn’t be satisfied with that. And honestly, she deserved the truth. I was just too weak to give it.
“… I don’t want to say,” I said. “It’s… not easy to explain, and it’s not exactly something I’m proud of.”
“Do you really think I’m gonna start judging you now?”
“Well, no, but…”
She had more than a fair point. We were kindred souls in unusual tastes and behaviors. If there was anyone who’d listen to my bizarre feelings and take them seriously, it would be her.
“… Listen. You don’t have to tell me right now.”
I looked at her unsurely. “I don’t?”
“No. If you need time to think first, do it. Then talk to me.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to worry you-”
“I’m already worried. But forcing you to talk about it right away won’t help. So get your thoughts in order, then we’ll sit down and figure it out.”
Being that sympathetic was practically cheating. I had my mind wrapped around itself trying to handle my own frustrations while Master Malka acted the moment she thought something was off. Seemingly indifferent yet also caring. She had to know how unfair it was that she was both a cool-headed master and a warmhearted confidant.
“… Alright.” I then took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Thank you. I’m not sure when, but I’ll go to you as soon as I’m ready.”
“Good. And…” For just a split second, Master Malka’s cold eyes softened and failed to meet my own. “I’m sorry I made you cry.”
“Don’t apologize, you did nothing but help me. Honestly, you’ve done more than I could have asked for.”
“Hmm.”
Master sat back down to her work. I turned around again, but my hands were still too shaky for the chisel. I tried steadying my breathing, but that could only do so much. I decided to restart our earlier conversation while I waited for my body to relax.
“So, do you think I should leave with Chen?”
“If you’re worried about the war with Ventilia, then yes. Might be a good opportunity for you to head out and start your own studio, anyways.”
“Funny, I said the same thing.”
“But if you want to wait and see a little longer,” she continued, “you can go with me if it comes to that. Or I’ll go with you, whichever comes first.”
“Alright.”
“Just don’t leave without saying anything.”
“I won’t. I owe you much more than that. Besides, you said we’re family, so I’ve gotta live up to that. I’d be a real jackass if I ran away without a word now.”
“Mmhm. If you did, I’d make my next sculpture out of your corpse.”
“Considering what you’re currently working on, that’s pretty terrifying.”
“Sounds like you’ll make a smart decision then.”
“I’m not keen on making one that dumb at least.”
“Good boy, Wannabe.”
Before our banter could really get back on track, there came a knocking from the front door. I had a pretty good idea who it was.
“Ah, that must be Chen with the delivery.”
“I’ll get it,” said Master Malka, rising to her feet.
“Nah, I’ll do it. I know you don’t like to greet visitors.” I hopped up from my stool and moved towards the studio’s exit.
“You sure you want to answer the door looking like that?”
I stopped in my tracks. My eyes were still red and puffy from crying, something Chen certainly wouldn’t let slide. At best, he might chide me, but it was more likely he would get worried and ask every question I didn’t want to answer.
“Go wash your face,” said Master Malka. “Then you can say you got dust in your eye or something.”
“Ah, good idea. I’ll meet you in the living room once I’m done.”
“Okay.”
“Oh, and uh… I may have forgotten to tell him last night that you were going to his wedding…”
“… Wannabe.”
“Y-yes?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
With a casual wave, Master Malka walked out of the studio. I watched in admiration as my master left to handle a task that she loathed, all because her assistant had become an emotional wreck for reasons he wouldn’t share. Yet in spite of all that, she didn’t show a hint of disdain or even frustration. She simply carried on as if I wasn’t troubling her at all.
I quietly vowed to make it up to her. As soon as Chen left, I would tell her everything, no matter how much it hurt.
I made a quick trip to the bathroom on the second floor and needlessly washed my face. Of course, it did little to reduce the inflammation in my eyes, but the whole point was just to support my made-up excuse. Once I felt I had forged enough evidence, I went back downstairs.
I could hear a man speaking to Master Malka, though the voice clearly wasn’t Chen’s. I guess he wasn’t able to take the job after all. I thought about heading back into the studio, but I decided to check in, considering I had placed the order and all.
The man in question wore the freighting company’s tunic, but I didn’t recognize him. Considering almost all of their employees lived with me, he must have been a very fresh hire. In fact, he’d probably be my roommate within a week if he didn’t have his own home. It couldn’t hurt for us to get acquainted now.
He was a young man, likely not even twenty. He wasn’t nearly as muscular as his fellows, but I had seen enough of the new hires to know that would quickly change. His long, red hair was tied back and his face was cleanly shaven. His eyes seemed full of energy and trepidation, like he was eager to run out of here. I would guess I looked like that back when I first met Master Malka as well.
“Hey there,” I said.
The new employee’s eyes locked onto me. He watched carefully as I approached.
“Um, hi. I-I’m here to drop off a delivery.” His voice was a bit deeper than his looks would suggest, but it didn’t help him sound any more reliable.
Master Malka looked over at me. “Doesn’t want to talk to me,” she said, clearly annoyed.
“W-well, the order says ‘Lior’, so…”
“Ah, that’s me.” I extended a hand.
“I’m Ch-chen,” he replied as we shook.
I raised an eyebrow. This guy certainly wasn’t my old friend. Did they somehow manage to hire someone else with the same name? I had never met another Chen, but I suppose there was a first time for anything.
“Huh. Are you new to the freighting company?”
“Y-yeah. Just started.”
“Figured as much. There’s another worker there named Chen, friend of mine, in fact, so I figured he would have mentioned it if he knew they hired someone with the same name as him.”
“Ah, what a coincidence…”
“Do you have a home of your own? I actually live in an apartment with all the other workers, so if you don’t, we’ll probably end up being roommates down the line and-”
“Wannabe,” Master Malka cut in.
“Yes, Master?”
“Something’s not right.”
She moved in front of me, standing between the man and myself. My pulse began to quicken as apprehension bolted through my veins.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You don’t recognize him, right?”
I quickly looked the man over once more. “No, I don’t.”
“Gili would have mentioned if she hired someone. I don’t know all the other workers, so I assumed he was one of them. But if he’s not, then he’s lying about working there.”
I felt my blood go cold. Why would someone be lying about working for the freighters? My guts twisted and turned, agitated from the adrenaline dumping into my system. Tension hardened my limbs and I felt my hands ball into fists.
An inaudible voice was shrieking at me, warning me that something terrible had entered the studio.
“Who are you?” Master Malka demanded.
“I… I’m Chen,” the man said. His eyes began darting between Master and I.
“No, you’re not,” I countered. “I know Chen, and if you’re not a new hire, then I want to know why you’re wearing the freighting company’s tunic.”
“I-”
“Get out of my business,” my master growled. “I don’t know who you are, but leave now before-”
“Oh, for the Gods’ sakes!”
The imposter reached behind his back and grabbed something.
I instinctively took a step back while Master leapt forward.
With a single motion, the man pulled a steel mace from his belt and swung it into Master Malka’s head. She fell over sideways and hit the floor hard, crumpled and unmoving.
“No!”
My scream blew into the living room as I ran towards Master. However, the man quickly intercepted me, standing between me and my fallen master.
“Now you’ve done it… just had to open your mouth… ” the imposter snarled. “You just couldn’t let this be easy, huh? I must have some foul luck to get the heretics that’d recognize every damned courier in town!”
“You…”
Rage boiled within me. Master Malka, my beloved mentor who considered me part of her family. The introverted sculptor who welcomed me into her studio and shared her vision with me. A quiet woman who cared more about her assistant than he deserved.
She was lying still on the ground, in a growing pool of her own blood.
All because of the man before me.
I didn’t have to think of what to do next. I reached into my toolbelt, pulled out a chisel, and charged at this beast in human skin.
“You bastard!”
The imposter readied himself for my attack. I had never fought anyone before, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to hurt him, to make him bleed and cry and suffer. I wasn’t afraid of death because I wouldn’t die before he did. He could hit me as many times as he wanted, break every bone in my body. I wouldn’t stop until there was nothing left of him.
I could barely see through all of the red.
Once he was in arm’s length, I quickly stabbed at him twice with my chisel. The man backstepped and evaded, then swung his mace in reply. I managed to avoid the metal club, and nearly lost my balance in the attempt.
But I couldn’t slow down. Not while this monster was still alive. I stomped my foot down to steady myself, then launched forward for another attack.
But before my strike connected, the man staggered as he grunted in pain.
He had made a mistake in backstepping away from my jabs. It put him too close to Master Malka.
Stained red, she had reached out and grabbed his leg. And in raw disregard of her injuries, she had bitten viciously into his ankle, hard enough to pierce his flesh. The man glanced down at her, turning his attention away from me for just a split second.
It was all the time I needed to sink my chisel into his right eye.
Blood spurted out and splashed onto my face, yet that only drove me to press harder into my attack. The man roared in pain. He forced his mace between us, holding me back from the chest, but I did everything I could to push my chisel further and further.
I still needed to reach his brain.
Unfortunately, I never did.
The man jerked his mace up and into my chin. I was momentarily stunned, an opportunity he used mercilessly. He pushed me off of him and quickly followed up with another swing. This time, the head of weapon connected with my skull, resounding with a grisly thwack.
My vision instantly darkened and my ears rang. I fell over and collapsed on the table, flipping it on top of myself as I hit the floor face down.
Strangely, I didn’t feel any pain. In fact, I barely felt anything. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t even muster a groan. I wasn’t even sure I was breathing. My body was numb and my senses were leaving me. But through such stupor, I heard the man shout.
“You… bitch!”
Master Malka then cried out in pain. I tried to get up, but my limbs wouldn’t respond. No matter how desperately I wished, I was stuck, pinned under the table while my consciousness slipped away.
“Gah, my eye… ngh, this is your fault!”
But before my senses left me, I heard that man grunt, as if he was lifting something up.
Then, there came a heavy, hard whack.
Then another. And another.
Then a horrible crunch as something broke.
And then a few more wet impacts.
And after a few seconds of silence, the man let out a relieved sigh.
“Serves you right…” he panted. “… Fuck, this hurts… Need to stop the bleeding…”
His footsteps moved towards me. I then felt a slight movement at my waist as he rummaged into my toolbelt. It all seemed so distant, so dreamlike. What little awareness I had was nearing its expiration.
“This’ll do…”
The rummaging stopped. There was a pause, then the man spoke again.
“Hey. Are you still alive?”
Even if I could have, I wouldn’t have answered. However, he didn’t even wait to see if I would try.
He kicked me hard in the ribs. Twice.
My eyes rolled back into my head.
“Damn. Can’t believe that bitch was the tougher one. What a shame, I would have liked him to feel what it’s like to lose an eye…” He took a few steps away from me. “… Shit, it’s almost time. I’ll have to dump it here and let the fire take care of everything…”
Those cryptic words were the last I heard as my finally mind sank into a deep, cold darkness.
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