In Review: A Fool's Goddess - Chapter Twelve

Welcome to the new decade. It’s finally 2020, which happens to not be too different from 2019.

Weird.

But hey, at least that means it’s easy to adjust to, right? Sun still rises, snow melts in Spring, and dogs continue to be awesome. I really couldn’t ask for more…unless you’re offering me a doughnut. Then I’d like some milk with that, please.

…What the fuck am I even talking about? Forget it—let’s just dive into the chapter.

Let’s start with some honesty: I’m not sure how enjoyable having another ‘blackout time-skip’ so soon after the first one is. It makes sense within the context of the story, but in hindsight, I feel as though I could have done something better. I’m not quite sure what that something would be, but my guts assure me a better move was possible. Maybe having Lior meet his saviors or perhaps a vision from Tornara…I don’t know. I just wish I did something else.

Afterwards, we get a bit of religious speculation from our resident sculptor. It was fun to try and keep Lior reasonable while trying to figure out if he was in the afterlife, especially in wording his introduction to Tzofiya.

And on that note, let’s talk about Mama Foul-mouth.

To begin with, her name means “watching”. She’s one of my favorites to write dialogue for purely because she curses. I personally feel like I can’t speak properly unless every other word is a curse, so being able to reflect that in some of my characters is both a guilty pleasure.

Tzofiya was originally meant to be exceptionally minor. I believe my original concept had her only appearing once to chastise Lior for speaking to her son, but somehow I decided to make her the mayor of Tresety. I feel that was a good move overall, as she ended up being a nice addition to the cast that I wanted to use as frequently as possible. She also plays on that supportive maternal figure I saw in Boss, though I didn’t write Tzofiya with my old mentor in mind.

A quick aside: seeing my old writing use basic hyphens instead of em dashes is giving me conniptions. I also recently learned that you ideally don’t put a space after an ellipsis if its used to signify a pause in the middle of a sentence, so I can’t even take pride in my recent writings being strictly superior.

This is what happens when you go to college for no reason—only to decide you want to be a writer five years later, folks.

God, it makes me wanna go back in time and kick my own ass.

…Anyway, since I can only go back to the story, you might notice I tried to put some more inflection in Tzofiya’s dialogue. I wrote her out to have a pseudo-Southern accent to help illustrate how far Lior had wandered and that he was now in a backwater. Stereotypical, but recognizable symbols are important in storytelling. Tangentially, when I allowed myself to dream of A Fool’s Goddess becoming a film, I imagined asking actors to do a mix between a Southern and a New York accent for Tzofiya and her son.

No fucking clue what that would sound like, but by God would I love to hear someone try.

I also gave her a really silly sense of humor to help contrast her more stern nature. I wanted to help Tzofiya feel more human as soon as possible—not leave her as just some immovable figure of leadership. Characters with a dumb sense of humor always felt endearing to me, so now she giggles at every stupid pun and joke Lior tosses out.

Probably the most fun I had with Tzofiya, though, was revealing that she was actually a shortstack. Having her curse and say cold things impressed that she was likely of average height, but then you find out she’s like five foot nothing at best.

Of course, this is not meant to disrespect short people—the opposite if anything. I wanted to show how her height had no effect on her status. She might put on a tough persona, but she still laughs in front of Lior, her rescue/prisoner. She is herself to the core, with nothing but pride for her station. I feel like if you taunted her about her height, she’d just remind you of who’s in charge and call you a shithead for being so rude. Maybe even offer to up your property tax.

Anyway, you might also notice a bit of strange non-curse Tzofiya uses here in the form of “You bet your sweet bippy.” Historically, that’s an old phrase from the 1960’s, but I heard it first in Persona Q. Being a weirdo, I have made a personal pact to use that line in every book I produce. No reason why, beyond my own personal enjoyment.

Please look forward to finding the bippies in every Varnicrast novel. Thank you.

The chapter then goes into Lior becoming bound to Tresety through a deal with Tzofiya. That was done primarily because Lior didn’t strike me as the type to be ungrateful, but it also gives him a solid reason to remain in the area for some time. Basic stuff, but I remember some writer (I’m cursing myself because I can’t even remember where I heard this) talking about how you can bend reality as much as you want, but you shouldn’t spit in the face of reason. I think the point was that your story should flow in an understandable manner within its own setting, but perhaps I’m misinterpreting that.

As far as the differing religious perceptions go in the chapter, I just wanted to show off more views of Lior’s curious nature. Up until now, we’ve only had people either regard him indifferently or with mild support. Tzofiya is openly skeptical, however, though she remains tolerant. I then added the bits about the shaman to layer on some mystery. Up until this point, no one else has really felt the ‘presence’ of Tornara, so finding out another persona may be able to sense her is intriguing for both Lior and the reader.

And I liked making that eunuch joke. It still makes me giggle.

Unfortunately, Lior then fucks everything up by getting snippy. I feel these sort of sections are particularly hard to write; you want to make one character come off as rude without making them seem unnecessarily aggressive, and you need the other to be hurt, but not past the point where it would feel weird for them to forgive the rude one. I can see some ways I could have written this better, but I think it was decent given my skill at the time.

This scene also illustrates kind of a personal anxiety I get. I oftentimes fear that I’m keeping things too serious for too long in my stories, so I tend to try and break things up with stupid shit like Tzofiya insulting Lior’s manhood. Sure, I like that sort of levity, but I can’t help but wonder if others find it insipid or maybe even jarring. It’s one of those things that’s hard to tell if it’s part of my style or a problem I need to solve, at least until I can get a sufficient quantity of feedback.

Finally, Lior properly meets Tzofiya’s son. He’s not too important in this chapter, but I promise he shows up more later on. I had Tzofiya get Lior’s name wrong to continue with the lightheartedness, and she uses the name “Lito” specifically as a reference to a guy I used to work with.

Boy, I’m sure that’s a real knee-slapper to everyone who doesn’t know who Lito is, huh?

And there our chapter ends. Lior’s safe, Tzofiya’s pissed, and Tresety looks like a Lincoln log set. This chapter is ultimately more of an introduction to Tzofiya and her village, so there wasn’t much else for me to discuss, but I’ll have plenty of anecdotes soon enough.

Besides I still had a fun time going over it. This week was particularly good at showing me how much I’ve improved since writing A Fool’s Goddess, though I still feel I have much to learn. Every day brings a new lesson, and with growth comes joy.

So says the flower of wisdom—blooming in the forest of ignorance.

Aight, I’mma head out now. Drink your milk, eat your doughnuts, and I’ll catch you next time.

You bet your sweet bippy I’ll be back.