A Fool's Goddess - Chapter Seven
I took some time to swing by my home to clean myself up and possibly eat something. Chen had since moved out due to his recent engagement, but I was certainly far from lonely.
I now shared the small home with nine of the freighting company’s employees. Needless to say, it was more than cramped, and I found myself saving more and more of my wages with the intent of moving out. It was ridiculously economical to live here, but the smell of burly men returning from a shift of heavy lifting had already overstayed its welcome. The mere sight of a sweat-soaked uniform motivated me to cut costs wherever possible.
After running through the bath, I put on some clean clothes, tugged a comb through my hair, and snagged a bite to eat. Looking as good as I could expect, I then hurried back onto the streets.
By now, it was sunset, Tornara’s hour according to the book. It was my favorite time of day, and not just because of its association with my beloved Goddess. Things were slowing down, the air was cooling, and the sky was always a beautiful meeting of blues and oranges. I couldn’t help but allow a small hop into my step as headed to the usual bar.
It was located in the market district, somewhat out of the way between a bookstore and a gambling house. The sign on the front read “Veil’s”, but that was supposedly a typo and it was meant to say “Levi’s”, though Chen and I theorized that was just a clever ruse to make the bar seem more interesting. Regardless, the interior was surprisingly elegant, decorated with padded chairs and regularly shined tabletops. There was always someone playing music in the corner so it was never quiet, but it never got too loud either. We had stumbled onto the place after our old haunt closed down and it instantly found a place in our hearts.
As I stepped in, I spotted my old friend at the bar. He had only bulked up further over the years, though he now kept his auburn hair slicked back and his beard was trimmed and styled. He was nursing a pint, but once Chen saw me approach, he joyously bounced up for a brotherly hug.
“Lior! Gods, I missed you! A month of sobriety is too long!”
“How the hell did you manage that? I resorted to drinking alone the past few weeks, but it’s not even half as fun to stumble out of here by myself.”
“Too many long hauls, my friend. And since the boss has put guards on every freight, I can’t even stop for a drink anymore. I know it’s for my safety, but surely a drink or two isn’t going to invite the marauders!”
“Well, let’s not stand on ceremony and put an end to your woes, shall we? Though, I have to warn you, I won’t be going too far tonight.”
“Ahh, finally wizened up to Malka’s whip, have you?” he smirked.
“Not yet. I mostly just want to enjoy my time with you without forgetting it the next day.”
“Oh, you soft-hearted fool. You’re gonna drag out my sentimentality at this rate.”
“Right. Let’s get some ale in you before you start reminiscing about how we met.” I pulled up a stool and waved the bartender over.
“Oh, I remember that like it was yesterday!” Chen laughed as he sat down again. “Back when you were all bashful about your Goddess and afraid everyone was out to get you. And you somehow didn’t understand the concept of love!”
“I told you, I just didn’t think it was okay for me to feel that way about Tornara!”
“Love is love! Everyone can agree on that!”
“How about you, Mr. Groom-to-be?” I said, elbowing his side. “I seem to recall a certain freighter coming to me for advice on how to ask a lady out.”
“Hey, I thought a romantic like you would have come up with some clever date ideas or something. Not my fault you only think about dancing with the divine.”
“What can I say? There’s only room for one in my heart.”
“Let me know when you two decide to get married. I’d love to attend that wedding.”
“Of course. You think I wouldn’t return the favor and make you my best man?”
Chen grunted a small laugh. “I wouldn’t want me as a best man. Watching me give a speech is like doing a handstand on a bed of nails.”
“Oh, c’mon, I’m sure it wouldn’t be that bad.”
“Feh, I’d need more liquor than blood to get through it without fumbling a word. Of course, I doubt I’d even be able to talk at that point.”
“Well, I hope you’re not expecting much better from me. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say.”
“Anything you do will be good. You’ll at least make it entertaining.”
“Because I’m so strange?”
“In a good way,” he said to finish our old adage, just like always.
We both grinned widely. Spending time with Chen was always fun, but unfortunately, our weekly nights out had to be put on hold for his longer deliveries. Still, it took less than a minute for us to fall into our usual mirth.
Over the years, Chen had simultaneously matured and become even more impish. The time leading up to his engagement seemed to make him more responsible, but the joy from his relationship had only made him more mischievous. He had loosened up and dropped his old ban on mocking his friends, leaving my curious romantic tendencies a fertile ground for his humor. But he never crossed lines, and when he felt he had, he was just as quick to apologize before feelings were actually hurt.
I often teased him about his changing attitude, saying that Chen was getting ready to be a family man and a father. Such comments embarrassed him, but he also never denied them. Though I hadn’t met her yet, Chen made it clear his fiance was a wonderful, special woman, and he loved her with all of his heart.
And, at my most honest, I would have to admit I had grown envious of his relationship. Seeing how Chen’s romance continued to evolve and enrapture him left me… yearning.
Although my love for Tornara never wavered, I couldn’t deny I wished I could also be more intimate with my Goddess. I loved Tornara dearly, but it sometimes hurt to never have those feelings explicitly returned. Perhaps that was an aspect of faith and I should have understood that the divine do not casually speak to mortals, but I couldn’t free myself from what lurked deep within me.
I’m only human after all.
Like everyone else, I wanted to love and be loved, and talking to Tornara’s painting could only do so much. Something assured me that my Goddess cared for me as well, but I could not tell if that was true or simply wishful thinking. And it was in that indecision that my frustrations festered, making it harder to be satisfied with what I had.
But I locked that jealousy away, leaving it in the shadows where it belonged.
Chen was the guy who had helped me realize my love and never judged me for it. My friend had nothing to do with these odious emotions within me. I’d call Master Malka “Mama” long before I let myself endanger our friendship.
I sipped my ale and looked over at Chen. “So, tell me about your latest trip.”
“Oof, not a fun one, I’ll tell you that.”
“Well don’t stop there, tell me the whole story.”
“Mm, fine. May as well get the bitter things out of the way. Like I told you, I couldn’t drink the entire time, despite it being an international trip.”
“Yeah, and did you ever figure out why they’re forcing guards on every trip?”
“I did. It’s all because of our southern neighbors in Ventilia. Word on the road is that a war is brewing because ‘their God wishes the death of nonbelievers’.” Chen tossed his hand with annoyance. “Boss Gili doesn’t want to risk any of her guys getting killed on the job, despite how far north we are, so now we only do caravan work instead of individual wagons. It’s making my job a pain in the ass.”
I narrowed my eyes. War in the name of a God, huh? What was it that made people blame their violent desires on their Gods? I didn’t know much about other countries and their religions, but I couldn’t imagine why they’d believe in a God who promoted death and genocide.
Such a God wasn’t worthy of worship.
“What a load of crap. I can’t understand why they think they need to start a war to show how much they love their God. Can’t they be happy enough with their own devotion and leave us be?”
“Doesn’t seem like it. Unfortunately, not everyone is willing to live alongside others who think differently.”
“Dumbasses. If faith is an oasis, war will just poison the water,” I muttered. “But I guess that’s neither here nor there. Anything interesting happen in your travels?”
“A couple things. We did run into a transient who tried to sneak onto one of our wagons. Guards pulled him off and handled him.”
“Well, at least they’re earning their paycheck.”
“Indeed. Only other thing was this little village we stopped in. On that note, I picked you up a souvenir.” Chen reached into his pocket and handed me a small, beaded bracelet.
“What’s this?”
“It’s a good luck charm. Little girl who was selling them seemed convinced, but I don’t think luck should cost less than a copper.”
“It’s the thought that counts?”
“I suppose. I wanted to get one for my darling, so I-”
“Oh Chen, we’re good friends, but you shouldn’t say such embarrassing things in public like that!”
“… So I figured I’d get one for you too, shithead.”
“You’re sweet. Thanks, buddy.” I slipped the cheap thing onto my left wrist.
“Uh-huh. Anyways, the village was on the edge of the country we were picking up our deliveries from. What’s interesting about it is how they built the place. The whole thing is built over a canyon, with the town divided in two and bridges connecting everything.”
“Sounds dangerous, to be honest.”
“It felt like it too,” said Chen. “The whole place was precarious, but the locals said that was the appeal. Some of them actually argued the town was safer because of its unique structure.”
“I guess they were also pretty divided, huh?”
“Ha. Ha. But it was near impossible to get the horses to cross those bridges. We ended up having to cover their eyes so they wouldn’t look down and get scared.”
“Clever.”
“Thank the Gods that worked. Once I’m aware of danger, I wouldn’t be able to just close my eyes and ignore it.”
“One of the cons of being human, I suppose.”
“Yeah.”
I turned to look at Chen. That wasn’t like him to just let a conversation fall off like that. He was staring at his drink, a sure sign there was something more on his mind.
“What’s bugging you?” I pressed.
“Hmm?”
“I can tell when you’re thinking too hard about something. Talk to me, I might have the answer you’re looking for.”
“No, it’s nothing like that… though it is something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”
“I’m all ears, friend.”
“Well, it has a lot to do with the chances of that war. With my marriage coming up, I’ve got more things to worry about, you know?”
“Are you afraid it’s going to reach Dostyn?”
“Sort of. I’m more afraid of getting drafted into the army. Strong young men like us are the first ones they’d want to drag into a fight.”
“I can understand the concern. I guess I should be thinking about that too. It just doesn’t register with me since I don’t hear about wars or such that often.”
“No offense, but that’s probably because you spend most of your time in the studio. I hear whispers of conflict every day.” Chen then took a heavy pull from his beer. “Maybe that’s my problem, I just can’t get away from it.”
“So what do you plan to do about it?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking of leaving Diesor right after my wedding.”
My eyebrows shot up. I never expected the concept of war to worry Chen so much, especially to the point that he felt the need to distance himself from it. Not that I felt he was some gung-ho fighter, but I wouldn’t have considered he’d let it affect his decisions. It would seem his new responsibilities had changed him even more than I thought.
“Damn, no shit?”
“No shit. I don’t want to spend my honeymoon on a battlefield, so even if it’s cowardly, I’m gonna take my fiance and leave. And…”
“And?”
“I think you should leave too. You don’t need to come with us, but I want you to at least consider relocating yourself. I don’t like the thought of you getting killed out there either.”
“Are you sure you’re not afraid of me finding glory on the battlefield?”
“I’m serious, Lior,” Chen said sternly. “You’re my best friend, I’m gonna worry about your safety too. I know you love your Goddess, but I don’t think even she’d be able to protect you from the chaos of war. That’s why I want you to leave the country too. You can’t get pulled into it if you’re not around when the fighting starts.”
After such words, I felt bad about my joke. It would seem the pending conflict was eating rather deeply into my friend. I dropped my joviality.
“That’s a really big decision to make. I definitely can’t say one way or the other tonight.”
“That’s fine, I just want you to consider it.” Chen already seemed eased, as if he feared I’d completely reject the idea. “I’m not leaving until after my wedding anyways, and that’s still a ways off. I’ll just point out that if you decide to leave, you’re free to come with us.”
“I mostly want to speak with Master Malka about it first. I owe her a lot, so I don’t want to just up and leave her.”
“Fair enough. Just remember that she’s probably too stubborn to leave with you. My boss is the same way, so I wouldn’t count on her moving her studio somewhere else.”
“I know. Besides, I finished my apprenticeship with her last year, so if anything, I really should be thinking about moving on. Maybe this is another message from Tornara.”
Chen let out a taut laugh. “Well, if she’s working through me to keep you safe, can you ask her to toss some providence my way? I’ve been itching to try that gambling house again.”
“Are you sure you don’t need this bracelet more than me?”
“Like I said, real luck wouldn’t be so cheap. Besides, it looks better on you.”
And with that, we were able to climb away from that depressing subject and return to our good times. Chen perked up further when I told him we had a delivery through his company tomorrow, and he happily assured me he’d handle the order. If the timing was right, we might even be able to use it as an excuse to have lunch together.
Afterwards, since I stopped at three ales, our night eventually became a one-sided affair of Chen emotionally sharing his thoughts while I tried to trick him into saying increasingly embarrassing things. Once he was too drunk to laugh at, I called the bartender over to clear our tab. Surprisingly, Chen insisted on paying despite how I technically lost our usual contest. I decided I could at least escort him home after that.
He leaned on me as we sauntered down the streets. I wasn’t really sure where his new home was, but he somehow managed to provide directions through his stupor. Strangely, his fiance wasn’t at the house when we got there, despite it being nearly midnight. Chen told me not to worry, but I made a mental note to ask him why after he sobered up. I helped him to his bedroom and, after he confessed his love for me a few more times, I locked the front door behind me as I left to go handle my own business.
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